Thursday, May 21, 2015


I don't know what it is but I've been seeing so many blog posts about Strong-Willed Kids, or My Kid is Intense, or My Kid is Going to Break Me, etc. I get it. I could post these article to my wall on Facebook all day long but people still have no clue unless they live it day in and day out.

Medication and therapy is helping. Like a whole shit ton but we are still new to this and it's going to take time for things to be really good. I'm learning so much from the therapy sessions. I go into the session for the last ten minutes to have a conversation with the therapist and Ava. We talk about what they talked about and what we can do as a family to help her when X happens. One thing at a time. Once a week. It's working. Slowly.

It's expensive though. J and I talk about it and sort of forget that Ava can hear us. It's nothing bad and we aren't hiding anything, it's just about how much things cost. She knows it's for her. The cost of the medication, psychiatrist visits, and therapy sessions.

One night in the car, coming home from a session, Ava started to cry. She said she wished she was normal. Obviously I went into major mom mode and did my best to console her. What it came down to was that everything we are doing for her costs a lot and she knows it. We don't talk about that to burden her mind with worry but it does and now we know.

She does listen. She does pick up on what's going on around her. She very intuitive and feels like she's a burden to us as a family. My heart shattered to pieces when I she told me this. Stupid me, I didn't even realize.

Ava is very good at getting stuck on things and worry, worry, worry. Right now it's tornados. She heard on the news there were tornados in Florida. We are going to Florida for vacation this summer and now she's terrified of going. She's also terrified of bugs. After every therapy session we have to leave the building and walk a couple blocks to get to our car. The location is right on a river and the river bugs are out in full force. It's gross, no doubt, but for Ava it's like walking to her death into a volcano.

Maneuvering these little brains and lives is tricky. You would think they are mini versions of you and in some ways they are but they don't have the life experience you do. Hell, adults can't even manage their shit, how can you expect little kids to?

Ava has so much static in her head, buzzing and whirring. She's trying to hard to make sense of it all. Sometimes she just lets it all go and doesn't try. We all do this. Sometimes it's just too much to keep it altogether and you need to lose your shit. These are the moments we are trying to manage. Multiple times a day have been reduced to a couple times a day. We are learning ways for her to get out her emotions in a healthy and safe way. She's learning for herself and we're learning as a family.

Ava will be seven today at 3:17pm. I wouldn't want the last seven years of my life to be different. She made me a mom. A mom who is stronger and more resilient. A mom who use to be a fighter just to get through life but now fights to win. Ava is worth it. I would do this life over and over again for eternity. I love her that much.

Happy Birthday, Ava James! Here's to being a rad little girl.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Running Shoes

I promised Ava I would get her some good running shoes. She's the worst with shoes, she beats the ever living shit out of every pair she's ever own and then beat them up some more just because she can. I started buying shoes at the consignment shop because 1. why the hell not 2. sometimes you find brand new shoes 3. she beats the shit out of her shoes, so lets not spend fiftybajillion dollars on brand news ones you'll ruin the first day.

But. She really needed new running shoes. Like super bad. The two consignment pair are literally falling apart and the shop didn't have anything new in her size. Oh, I looked there first.

I've been trying to get in shape because ewe and summer and we're going to Disney in August. I know, Disney in August? We are all kinds of stupid but it's to flipping expensive to go any other time. I fully plan on losing 50 pounds from sweat the first day.

Anywhoosle, I needed new running shoes too. My grand idea is to have Ava as a running partner. I'm slow, she's little with shorter legs... I think we'll be a good team. She also needs to find a way to get all that friggin energy out. Holy shit balls. SO. MUCH. ENERGY.

I had some Kohl's cash and a coupon. HOLLA! We went to Kohl's last night and tried on new kicks. Ava was super excited. Many of the shoes she LOVED but wouldn't work for running and they were horrifyingly ugly. I know that the style now for running shoes is all about bright colors. Some are purdy, some are hideous. I had to steer her away from the seizer inducing color schemes. She found a black pair with hot pink. They are Sketchers with the memory foam inside. I thought, "Oh that's cute but probably not realistic for adult running shoes."

We moseyed over to the women's shoes. I had my eye on a pair of turquoise Asics that I saw online. Unbelievably, they had my size in the store but in person they were not as cute as I hoped. I liked a different color of the same brand but not in my size. Dammit. At $80 I couldn't justify getting a color I didn't love. I wondered around trying to see if there was anything else. Ava suddenly had to go to the bathroom like RIGHT NOW. I think she has the same problem that I have when I go to Target. Every time I go there, gotta poop. Target is my laxative.

She ran off to the potty. I stayed in the shoes because I was in the zone. I found some cute Sketchers. These are cute but not sure how they hold up as running shoes. I Googled. They had pretty good reviews. Guess what? They had the memory foam like Ava's. Oh what the hell, it's not like I'm a serious runner.

I found the right size and color (a damn miracle at Kohls). Before Ava took off, I made her give me her socks because I forgot mine. I'm resourceful! I sit down and shove my aching foot into the most glorious shoe known to man. OH MY GOD! THE BEST SHOES EVER!!!!

That's when I got the call overhead to come to customer service. Ava couldn't remember how to get back to the shoes. Um, ya know, just walk straight. At least she had enough sense to ask someone at the service desk for help. It was ok because I found shoes that were made by angels.

We poked around the kid's clothes. Got EZ some Ninja Turtle undies because he's getting SO BIG! OMG! That's when Ava spotted the hot pink skirt. It had attached bike shorts underneath that you couldn't see (a must for active girls) and a matching tank. I'm not going to lie, it was cute as hell and top off her running look. Also, it's got Minnie Mouse on it, which is perfect for our Disney trip.

While finding links on Kohls I realized Lauren Conrad has a line for Disney right now that's all Minnie Mouse stuff. SQWEEEE!!!! Imma gonna have to get a tank or something for myself because DISNEY!!!

Ok back the shoes and this grand idea we'll go running as a mother and daughter team...

I managed to pick up some new Nike shorts, as well. My current shorts aren't fitting so good and best to wear behind closed doors. They are a bit too snug for public consumption unless you're into muffin tops.

Ava and I got home and it was a bit too muggy to run so we waited a bit. We are kind of workout princesses. It needs to be the right temperature or meh, not gonna do it. After a while, Ava was driving me bonkers. She was ready and didn't care that it looked like it might pour. I know, such a princess I am. I suited up and off we went.

We ran around two whole blocks. That's it. Just two blocks, all the way around. We had to stop a few times because Ava doesn't know how to pace herself. She thought running meant sprinting the whole time. She learned her lesson very quickly about side stitches. We actually did have to get back though, J was making dinner and I was starving. Such a princess. That my friends ended our day of running. For now.

I'm a week into my Bikini Body Mommy 90 day work out. I'll keep you updated on how that's going. Comical, no doubt. I was doing a girl push up (doing is stretching the truth), I would push up from the ground but couldn't go back down without smacking my face into the floor. Zero arm control or strength. I also have no control over the spit in my mouth either because during the same push ups I drooled on the floor. Hilariously funny and gross. But who cares? I've got new running shoes!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015


Last night was the oddest of all oddest of nights.

EZ is at the point where he only seems to take naps at preschool but almost NEVER at home. Yesterday was a home day with Nana, so... no nap. When I got home from work I packed the kids into the car and ran off to Ava's gymnastics class. In the 5 minutes it took to drive there EZ fell asleep in the car. It was 5pm.


I pulled him out of the car dead asleep. Walked into gymnastics. Still dead asleep. Managed to pull Ava's hair up into a ponytail while holding EZ upright on my hip and shoulder. <-- That was some high-level parenting skill, right there. EZ didn't even flinch. I laid him out on two chairs put together and that stinker sleep through the entire hour. He never even woke up when I took him out to the car after class or when I brought him into the house when we got home. He slept until 6 am this morning!

So I'm sure tonight will be super fun times. He'll get his nap at preschool today and will be revving to go tonight. I'm not sure which EZ I like better: the super, over-rested, high-energy EZ or the super, over-tired, extra-crabby EZ.

I expect to see little bodies hurling themselves off the couch into a pile of pillows. Or maybe blankets used as sleds going down the stairs. Maybe even a wrestling match or two that will, no doubt, end in tears.

It was weird not having him around last night. I mean he was physically there, just unconscious. It was just me, J and Ava having dinner and chilling. It made me think about what it would be like to have just one child. That felt weird. Ava was calmer because the two of them weren't going at each other's throats like they usually do. So in that way, it was nice but a bit too weird for my liking. They might fight like cats and dogs and sometimes it's so hard managing the needs of both kids but I can't image only having one of them. Two is all I know.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Let's Get Ready for Summer, Shall We?

I'm SO over winter. We are finally starting to get some warmer weather. THANK YA, LAWD! My see through skin is blinding strangers and my feet are being freed from boots and socks. Before I scare everyone off I need to buff up my heels, shave my beasty legs, and break out the MARGARITAS!!!

Spring has (finally!) sprung, and I’m teaming up with The Invention Brothers to give you a chance to win a fabulous new beauty exfoliator called The Skoother® Skin Smoother, as well as an iPad Mini!

  If you suffer from dry, cracked heels, the 'Get Ready for Summer Giveaway' is for you! Enter today for your chance to win an iPad Mini, a Skoother Skin Smoother to help cure your cracked heels, or a Margarator giant party blender. With 25 prizes to be won, you don't want to miss out!

Have you heard of the Skoother?

It’s the most effective way to quickly and easily smooth rough skin and calluses on your feet, heels, elbows and hands, and it’s unique design makes it much more effective than pumice stones, emery pads, metal graters (ouch!), motorized sanders, and other skin-smoothing gimmicks.

  If you suffer from dry, cracked heels, the 'Get Ready for Summer Giveaway' is for you! Enter today for your chance to win an iPad Mini, a Skoother Skin Smoother to help cure your cracked heels, or a Margarator giant party blender. With 25 prizes to be won, you don't want to miss out!

It’s easy to hold.

It conforms to your body, making it quick and easy to use.

It doesn’t require batteries.

The Micro-Abrasive Screen is rough enough to remove stubborn calluses on your heels, but gentle enough also lightly smooth the skin on more delicate areas like your hands and knees.

It has been medically-tested by a team of doctors at the University of Michigan Health System, Ann Arbor.

It’s easy to clean.

And by entering the Rafflecopter form below, you will have a chance to win one (1) of 20 Skoothers to get your skin ready for summer.

But wait - it gets better!

We're also giving away 4 Margarators® (1 Gallon Party Blender) and one (1) grand prize of an iPad Mini!

What a great way to kick off the warm weather!

All you have to do is complete the form below to enter between April 20, 2015 at 12:00 am EST and April 30, 2015 at 11:59 pm EST.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And if you don't win but would still like to be one of the first to experience the Skoother, simply sign up using THIS FORM between May 1, 2015 and June 14, 2015. The Launch Day Special for a Skoother is only $12 + free shipping. We will contact you through your email sign-up to give you more details!

Good luck!

For complete contest rules and regulations, CLICK HERE.

Dried-on Milk received no compensation for sponsoring this event, and is not responsible for the delivery of the prize. Prize delivery is the sole responsibility of The Invention Brothers / Comstock Studios Inc. Twenty-five (25) winners will be drawn randomly and notified by email. The winners will have 48 hours to respond in order to claim their prize. If they do not respond within the 48 hours, they will forfeit the prize and an alternate winner will be chosen. This post may contain affiliate links.

Friday, April 3, 2015

BOOK SIGNING! This Saturday, April 4th!

Get a copy of the hilariously funny and heart-grabbing book, I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE (Vol. 3).

Three contributing authors will be at The Sugar Path (315 W State St, Geneva, IL 60134) in Geneva, IL from 3-5pm to chat and sign books. Books will be available for purchase. $12 cash and $12.50 credit. 

If you can't make it to the signing, don't you worry you're purdy little heart, there will be more! Also, you can buy a copy online, just click here. 

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