Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Guess what I've been up to?

I went and did something really crazy. I signed up to be a consultant for Rodan + Fields. As if I don't have enough on my plate. It seems like everyone and their mom is hocking something, right? The difference for me was that I used the product for about 10 months before I realized that I need to get this out there to my friends. This stuff works better than anything I've ever used, so why not be a consultant? What do I have to lose?

The idea of doing direct sales gives me hives. Mostly because I have no idea HOW to do it except be all... PLEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE BUY FROM ME!! Which is a terrible approach. Obvi.

The thing is these products truly sell themselves. Everyone says that right? Except it's actually true for R+F. FOR EXAMPLE. Last summer I wrote a post about my melasma (pregnancy mask). After EZ, it had gotten really bad, to the point where I needed to do something about it. I had tried over the counter skin lighteners, prescriptions from the dermatologist, and even went so far as using apple cider vinegar on my face two times a day for six months... because Google told me it would work. Liars. My skin never changed color and I smelled like feet.

A very good childhood friend called me one day. She told me about R+F and I kid you not I was like, "Oh hell no. I'm not paying for shit that won't work. I've come to the conclusion I'll just look like a splotchy, crazy lady for the rest of my life." Then she's all, "Trust me. This will work and if you feel it's not you can return the products in 60 days for a full refund." My curiosity peaked and I bought 60 days worth of REVERSE.

Guess what? It worked. Other than mascara, I'm not wearing any makeup.

Pretty amazing, right? These products are prescription grade and are much more affordable than going to the dermatologist... and they work. For reals. THEY FREAKIN WORK!!!

Did you know Rodan + Fields are the dermatologists behind Proactive? Yessiry, they are. They created a line for aging skin (like yours truly) that helps solve a variety of problems such as wrinkles, dryness, sun damage, acne, dullness, lost of elasticity, etc, etc, if your face is melting off you need this stuff, etc. Results are guaranteed.

Sooooo if you are interesting in learning about how I can help you find the right products to change your skin just HOLLA!!! Check out my fancy-pants website or feel free to shoot me an email at staciae at myrandf dot com.

Friday, March 28, 2014

How To Dye Your Hair (But Don't Do What I Did)

I dyed my hair. This a big deal because I don't dye my hair. Ever. I never have. I don't really need to. I once had my hairdresser put a pink streak in my hair but it was pricy and maybe lasted a month. Pff. No.

I follow The Beauty Department because I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to makeup and hair. I fake it the best I can. This blog has the best little tips and tricks. Some are totally doable and some are like, "I will spend an ungodly amount of time on my nails only to ruin them when I have to scrub the couch clean because SOMEONE decided to use it as their personal toilet. So yeah. That idea goes in the no pile."

I ran across this post called Hidden Hues. I LOVE this look so much. I wear my hair up in a bun on top of my head all the time, not to be cute, I'm just lazy.

I've mentioned before that Ava hates the color of her hair. If she only knew how coveted natural blonde locks are. I let her have a pink streak before and this time I took her to the store with me to pick out a color. She chose Punky Color purple. At $10 a pop I just picked up one jar. I guess that means my hair will be purple too. These pictures are unfiltered and showing up as pink but I assure you I look like a grape.

Ava was a my guinea pig. I seriously can never spell that guinea right. I always have to look it up. I've never done anything like this before and I had to practice on something before I did my own hair. Adorable yes? Yes. It was easier than I thought it would be and not nearly as messy.

Then I did my own hair. This how I started, a "cape" (an old towel used for drying off the car), pulled my hair up into Miley Cyrus buns, and my trust iPhone to document it all.

The bottle said that I needed a dying brush and gloves. I had gloves but no brush. I used one of my kid's paint brushes which turned out to be a painfully slow process so I just globbed it on with my hands. I tried to comb the dye through my hair like it said but when my hair is wet and straight it's super LONG. After trying to comb it through, my hair just kept knotting up, so I skipped that part. I just mushed the dye into a wad of hair. Who's cringing right now? But this is going so well! 

I used vaseline on my neck like the directions said. I will say that was good tip to follow. I almost didn't because I thinking, "What's the likelihood I'm going to get this on my neck?" I got it on my forehead and I wasn't even dying that part... so yeah, vaseline is a good idea.

I used foil because that's what I've seen them do in the salon and on TV. I should have become a hairdresser. It probably would have been a good idea to have tried to do a patch of hair on the front of my head rather the farthest part in the back. Turns out that's MUCH harder to do.

I love that cell phones have cameras now. I had to liven up the process which probably took longer than it should have.

I got my hairs all purpley and folded/wadded up into the foil and sat on the couch smelling like a giant sex toy. Do you know that smell? Yeah me either, I'm just guessing that's what it smells like. *shifting uncomfortably*

After 30 minutes, I washed my hair out in the sink downstairs. I was thinking ahead because people online were saying that it is messy and dyes everything. It didn't, it was fine but I should have taken my Miley Cyrus buns out because once they got wet it was a bitch to get the hair bands out. I ended up cutting one of them out. Then I took a proper shower sans shampoo. I know, I know! I read the directions! No, I do not have a perm, my hair is naturally stuck in the 80's big hair era.

Blow dried and voilĂ ... GORGEOUS DARLING! I. LOVE. IT. It's been a week and it's already started to fade which is totally cool with me because now it looks more real rather than fake clip in hair.

Don't mind her, she's my evil twin that will kill me in my sleep someday.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


I have about .02 seconds to type this post. I'm slammed at work but I desperately need a break from all things CATALOGS!! In case you didn't know, that's what I do. I'm a graphic designer with a weird fetish for catalogs. I'm sorry for this horribly unproofed post. Who are we kidding, it's no different than any other post I publish.

EZ is kicking ass and taking names with potty training. He hasn't had an accident in over a week now. He tells me every time he has to go and when he needs to poop he'll mope for about 20 minutes before the big event saying his belly hurts soooo bad, in the cutest damn 2 year old voice you've ever heard. Side note: I shit you not I just wrote hurd instead of heard. This shows my level of Idontgiveashit writing.

This week started off rather odd. J was grossity-gross sick yesterday but he had to pull it together and go to work for something very important and then drive about an hour back home to be sick for the rest of the day. Then Ava started complaining her belly hurt. What day is this? Oh crap, I told Ava today wasn't gym day because I thought it was Wednesday. Son-of-a-... Wait no, it is Wednesday. Dude. I need a do-over. 

So yeah, Ava stayed home sick yesterday too. I thought she was bluffing but she was acting strange so maaaaybeeee. According to nana Ava was a little off. She seemed ok when I got home from work and I scored major mommy points for buying Frozen yesterday. That killed at good hour an half before bed. We've already seen it twice in the theater. I attempted to feed the kids dinner but they wanted no part of normalcy so they ate oyster crackers for dinner. I swear I tried.

Then when it was time for bed, Ava got all upset because daddy usually puts her to bed and he does it better than I do... he's more fun and he makes better dinner... are you SERIOUS? As it turns out, mommy does just fine putting littles to bed. I eventually put myself to bed after I Lysoled the house. I canNOT get sick right now. I told you, I'm slammed at work!

Naturally, my kids know this and do their very best to unintentionally eff it all up. At 3am Ava was in our bathroom with... yeah I'm not going to go into detail. I helped her two more times after that before I nearly pushed J out of the bed to GET UP AND HELP BECAUSE I'M BUSY AT WORK AND I NEED SLEEP!!!

The bright side, I'm so busy I don't have time to be tired and everyone is feeling much better this morning. :)

Also, PLEASE don't forget to enter for the Suburban Haiku book giveaway I have going on! I accidentally set up the rafflecopter to end Thursday at midnight instead of Friday at midnight and then I didn't know how to fix it. Figures. So you only have until Thursday at midnight to enter! GO DO IT NOOOOOW!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Suburban Haiku

Good morning, lovelies!!! It's Monday, blah but I'm doing a giveaway today, yay!!! I would like you to to meet Peyton Price, the author of Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches From Behind The Picket Fence and blogger at Suburban Haiku. I was lucky enough to be chosen to review the book and do a little interview with Peyton. She writes haikus... you know, a three-line poem with seventeen syllables, written in a 5/7/5 syllable count (yes I had to look that up, shut up). This chick is hilarious. I've friended her through blogging groups on Facebook and I really don't know how she does it but she's quite a clever and witty little thing!

I would like to point out that I received my bachelors degree in Mass Communication and part of that degree required me to take a bunch of reporting classes. According to this interview I'm shocked I even graduated.

1. I'm sure you hear this all the time but I can barely keep my "sighs" to 17 syllables... so how on Earth do you come up with all these witty haikus everyday?

Short answer: I keep my eyes and ears open and my smartphone handy.

Long answer: After 30 reply-all emails about the soccer snack schedule and whether we need some sort of guidelines for what exactly constitutes “healthy snack” because everybody is sick of orange slices and 100-calorie packs aren’t filling after a game but donuts send the wrong message and isn’t Capri Sun just sugar water anyway it’s very rewarding to tweet:

Snack schedule lady,
Want to make a healthy choice?
Take me off your list.

2. Hey I'm a NickMom contributor too! Not a question, I just wanted to point that out.

Holla! I’m so excited to work with the NickMom crew—they really are a motherfunny bunch, aren’t they? Or is it we? But that seems so arrogant. I don’t know how to make small talk!

3. Have you always written poetry type things? I would say in the world of blogging you really stand out because your haikus are hilarious and true to real life. I've never seen anyone do what you do and in such a clever way. Not to mention you do voice clips on your blog... clever, clever!

I wrote terrible poetry in middle school and high school about dreams for the future and inner turmoil—fears for humanity and the rainforest, that sort of thing.  Doesn’t everybody?

I always liked haiku but I didn’t get interested in making them until I was a stay at home mom with two kids. I needed to feel like I accomplished something in the course of a day (besides keeping the kids and myself alive, that is), but didn’t have much time to myself obvi. I started tapping out a haiku here and there. I know it sounds crazy, but when I managed one, I felt … like a real person? It’s hard to explain but I think moms know what I mean.

I do everything backwards, so I tweeted first, then I Facebooked, then much later I accidentally started the audio blog. Last year, NPR’s Morning Edition put out a call for cherry blossom haiku on their Facebook page. I somehow ended up reading one and doing a little interview on air. My girlfriend heard me on the radio and requested that I read her a haiku every day. (Apparently, sometimes it’s just too much trouble to read three lines.) So I started recording haiku and posting them for her—and if I’m being honest, because doing it cracks me up.

4. At what point did you decide to create a book? How did that come about?

I had self-published a few little collections of haiku for twitter and Facebook friends. Eventually, I asked one of those friends for advice on approaching publishers. Suzanne Weber, who wrote the cuttingly hilarious book, To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers, connected me with her literary agency—talk about random acts of kindness! I don’t want to get all name-droppy, but the next totally unlikely thing that happened was that the agent, Monika Verma at Levine Greenberg, took the time to talk me through several drafts until the collection was anything like a book. Crazy, I tell you.

In a larger way, how the book reeeally came about was that tweeting Suburban Haiku connected me with a new community of friends who encouraged me to keep going and generously gave me a boost whenever I needed it. I make fun of how tech is taking over our lives, but then again, I’m a hypocrite. And I’m fine with that.

5. Throw in anything else you might want to say because I can't think of anymore questions. :/

I guess the moral of the story is to do your thang and be mean to people behind their backs but be nice to people on the internet and see what happens? No, that can’t be right. I think it’s: Even if you only manage something small for yourself, do it because it could turn into something bigger.

Now here comes the fun stuff... this is your chance to win Peyton's book! The contest ends at midnight Thursday (March 20) and one winner will be notified by email.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Monday, March 10, 2014

Mr. Peebody

Has it really been a whole week since I posted anything? Yeesh. Time sure does get away from you when you are eyeballs deep in pee!

We are moving into the third week of potty training. I nearly gave up last week. I can't tell you how many times J and I were like, "Should we hold off for a while? I don't know. What do you think?" "I don't know. What do you think? It seems like he's getting it and then he doesn't... then he does. WTF?!" So many loads of laundry. So much pee. So much poop. So many changes of socks and shoes.

After talking to my mother-in-law, who lives next door and watches the kids two days a week, we decided to keep going. She said that you don't give up, you just have to keep trying. So here we are another week in. EZ is averaging one accident a day, which I think is pretty good! He tells us he has to go more often than us having to ask him. He does not like to be told to go. At. All.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of thinking to myself we are going to get through this whole day accident free. About an hour after I thought that, he peed outside the bathroom door. I locked him out because I was using the facilities and I didn't want a child trying to climb on my lap while I'm pooping. Why do they think it's cool to have lap time when you're on the toilet?

Naturally that was the exact moment he needed to go and when a potty trainer has to go... that means RIGHT. NOW. BUT he did manage to tell me he had to poopy and he did so on DA POT-TAY!!!!

He's reverted too. Before he'd get through the night and naps and now not at all but he's starting to get the hang of the sensation before just weeing all over himself and being ok with it.

I'm hoping he'll be fully trained by the time he turns 3, which is in June. Double finger crossies!!!
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