I never met her in person before, only stalked her online. She's the first person I met at BlogU and the last person I saw when I left. And after all that time together, she didn't get freaked out by my weirdness and still wanted to be friends with me online. Aww. That's how you know you found a true friend!
Enough mushy stuff, let's get dirty. Raise your hand if you read 50 Shades of Gray. *RAISING HAND*
Raise your hand if you're going to to see the movie. *RAISING HAND*
Yes, they are super dirty. Yes, they are a bit degrading with the whole S&M and contracts and shit. BUT they are kind of hot in a weird way. I wouldn't say they are written all that well but you sort of ignore that, as long as you don't read them out loud.
On a college girl's trip, we read the book aloud. We were crying laughing because it's quite terrible but when you're reading it alone in your head... well... it's kinda hot. Ok the tampon thing was definitely not hot. I would use the word gross.
Anywhoosle, Kristen wrote about why she wasn't sure she'd ever want to read the books. Girl, I was scared to read them, too. That shit is intense! Also, that's shit you couldn't pay me millions to ever consider doing. Ever.
Call me a prude. A prude that will go see the movies though!
My sister’s been begging me to read the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. Downright nagging me, even. She says it’s really a love story. She was right about the Twilight Saga, so why shouldn’t I listen to her? (Shut up, you know you want Edward to accost you.) And many of my online friends have been all twitterpaited for months over Shades. If so many people are talking about it, I might as well hop on the bandwagon and see what all the fuss is about, right?
But I’m scared.
I hear the books are really, er… steamy. (I had to say ‘er’ because it’s required when discussing Shades.) They’re definitely controversial; tons of stores have banned them already. From what I’ve heard, I can see why some might have their panties all in a wad over Shades. In browsing various articles about the books, I’ve come across a few words/phrases that scare me a little bit (a lot), too. Like ‘red room,’ ‘safe word,’ ‘contract,’ and ‘spanking.’ Even scarier: ‘anal beads.’ Really??? Anal beads are main-stream now? This is a matter of great concern for me, as I consider the anal orifice to be an exit-only one. I’m just not sure I can like anything that contains the words ‘anal’ and ‘beads’ sitting right next to each other in a sentence. And the worst one (well this isn’t scary, it’s just really dumb): ‘Laters, baby.’ What the F? I know, I know (I tell my sis), you have to read it to get it… but I’m not sure I want to ‘get it.’ I’m not sure I ever want to be in a mental place where I can think that ‘Laters, baby’ is a cool thing to say. Or funny or cute or ironic or whatever context it assumes in the books. “Mr. Grey, this is not professional.”*
|Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net|
And there are other moral/ethical questions. If I read shades, will I become a nympho? Will I be able to focus on my kids, or will I blow them off in favor of a date with the jetted tub and a hand-held shower nozzle, like in that Saturday Night Live skit? (Though I have no idea why she was wearing a yellow rubber cleaning glove under there. What was that all about?) Will my neighbors still talk to me? Will people think I let my husband spank me? (After all, I do have a sneaking suspicion my brother-in-law has been spanking my sis lately. Dear God, help me.) Can I still go to Mass? Will reading Shades require a confession? Oh wait, irony alert. Do you think Shades author E. L. James knew that calling the central male character ‘Christian’ would piss a bunch of people off? Or at least, that it was totally ironic to do so? Well, if anyone’s going to hell for reading Fifty Shades of Grey, she’s totally screwed for writing it.
I’m sure my curiosity will eventually get the better of me (that, or my sister will hand me book one of the trilogy and point a loaded gun at me) and I will read the books. And I will become obsessed. Again. It’ll be just like Twilight. *SIGH* …I will be a nervous wreck, totally incapable of concentration. I’ll be reading under my desk at work (just part-time, but still), at stoplights, and while cooking dinner (Twilight made me burn several batches of biscuits). I’ll herd the kids to bed in a rushed frenzy so I can get back to my sordid fantasy-world. I’ll be mad at my husband for not being Christian Grey – like I used to be mad at him for not being Edward (Why does he need tosleep? And eat? And fart? Why can’t he catch me when I slip and fall as if I weigh no more than a feather? Or throw me across his back and sprint through the forest? Or fix dents in my car with just one hand? Or rescue me from psychotic undead villains? Why aren’t there any psychotic undead villains from whom to rescue me??)
At this point, I’m pretty sure there’s no getting around my sister’s pleas. I’m either going to read the books, or never hear the end of it from her. So sis, if you’re reading this: Alright, alright, I’ll go buy the damn books. Just don’t get mad when I don’t answer my phone for a few week because I’m too busy being naughty with the hubs in our newly-decorated spare bedroom. Ewwww, I’m trying to be funny but I’m creeping myself out.
Eh, maybe I’ll read them, maybe I won’t.
Abandoning Pretense, where she tells the whole, uncensored truth about marriage, parenthood, and life. In addition to her blog, Mae shares hilarious and heart-warming tidbits of her life on her Facebook page, Google+,Twitter and Pinterest, and is also a regular contributor at ScaryMommy.com, Bluntmoms.com, Mamapedia.com and Mamalode.com. __________________________________________________________________________________________
Guess what? Kristen broke down and read the books. You can read her follow up post here. What did she REALLY think after reading the books?