Friday, March 27, 2015

I STILL Just Want To Pee Alone


I Still Just Want to Pee Alone (I Just Want to Pee Alone) (Volume 3) is for sale! I'm stupid excited!!!!!!

I've been blogging for about seven years now. About five and a half of those years consisted mostly of pictures and videos of my kids (on different blog). Only in the last year and a half did I start to make blogging a more serious gig. I started going to conferences and befriend bloggers who actually had a following other than their mom. Tried to actually make money and sponsorships, etc.

I went to BlogHer 2013 in Chicago with my friend from high school, Lisa Newlin (blogger at She told me there was a book signing that we needed to go to. It was for the book I JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE. A book of hilarious essays by various bloggers, edited by Jen Mann from People I Want To Punch In The Throat.

We went, we mingled and I met some of the raddest and funniest chicks I know. I thought to myself that night, "These are my people." I write funny parenting stuff. I want to be in a book like this. I didn't know how I would make it happen but I was going to do it, by God!

A year after that I went to a much smaller conference called BlogU 2014. BlogU was filled with some of the biggest and best bloggers around. I actually knew a bunch of them this time and met a bunch more. There was a meet and greet the night before the conference started. They had people reading from their blogs, raffle shizz and book signings. Jen was there with her crew signing books.

We were told before we went to BlogU how important it was to make it known to the blogging world what your goals were. It's a scary concept but once you put it out there that you want to do something... the blogging world rallys together to make it happen. I was so afraid everyone would laugh because I don't consider myself a great writer but I wanted to be in an anthology like I JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE. I wanted to be good enough to be in a book like that.

Jen signed my book and we chatted a bit. At the time she had open submissions for a new book she was putting together. She asked if I planned to submit. I said I did. She said she hoped to pop my book cherry. I DIED. 1. It was funny and 2. JEN MANN SAID THAT TO MEEEE!!! LITTLE OLE ME!!! She even wrote it in my book!

I never actually applied to her open submission. I just couldn't come up with the right words. I tried and tried. No go. I was bummed but I knew they're would be more opportunities.

Then I got an email and shat my pants.

The email came from Jen herself, personally asking me to submit to her newest book, I STILL JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE. It was a closed submission process which meant you had to be invited. Just because you were invited didn't mean you'd get in.

We had something like two months and naturally I wrote mine the night before it was due. Don't take that as me being a slacker. I just couldn't think of anything good to write about! It had to be original and it had to knock Jen's socks off. I wrote a post and had J read it. He said, "Yeah, it's funny but not your best." And I knew it. I knew it wasn't great. It HAD to be great.

We got to talking over dinner and I said, "What's funny? Why haven't the kids done anything epically hilarious? UUUUGGGGHHHH!" I actually said ugh. For real. Then I looked out the winder (I swear I just wrote that, I'm not even sure where that came from... that should be window) to the garage. And it dawned on me. Garage sales. From there everything came together.

I helped put the kids to bed then I sat down and wrote one of my funniest pieces in about 30 minutes. Normally, it takes me a few hours to write and edit and write and edit. And I will still want to go back and change, fix, edit... how the eff did that typo get in there?  I've only looked it 40 billion times! Thirty minutes is all it took. The next day I had J read it and he laughed OUT LOUD. That sealed the deal for me. This was the piece I was going to submit to Jen. J almost never laughs out loud at my stuff.

So that's the story of how I got into this book. Had I not taken the risk to put it out there that I want to be in an anthology or not gotten over my fear to talk to the bloggers I idolized... I wouldn't be in this book. I'm stupidly proud of this moment.

PLEASE with sugar on top... BUY THIS BOOK I Still Just Want to Pee Alone (I Just Want to Pee Alone) (Volume 3) You will laugh. You will cry. You will pee a little.

If you would like a signed copy you can hit me up through PayPal. They are for $12.99 (a smidge extra for the signature) and then $3 for shipping (so $15.99 total). I will send them through USPS media mail. My PayPal email is sellermeier (at) gmail (dot) com. Be sure to tell me your address and who you'd like the book made out to. MWAH!

If you live close to me you can buy them from me. $12 cash and $12.50 credit card. I feel like I'm hustling here. 

Here's a couple book signing events I will be at and I have one in the works for my current location (Chicago suburbs). I'll keep you posted on that.

April 18th 2-4pm at Journey Art Gallery, Canton, Ohio
I'll be here with two other contributing authors:
Jennifer Hicks (Real Life Parenting) & Sarah del Rio (est. 1975)
Click Here for the Facebook Event Invite & Details

April 25th 2-4pm Spirit Knob Winery, Ursa, Illinois
Click Here for the Facebook Event Invite & Details

Thank you all for your continued support!!!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Moving Mountains

I've had so many thoughts in my head lately and for some reason I can't get them out. I'm going to try today. I need to purge. I think that's why I'm sick (nasty cold). I'm holding too much in. This will be my little venting session, mkay? I'm not mad, just need to get my thoughts out.

I thought everything would change once we got an official diagnosis. It has and it hasn't all at the same time. She's still our baby girl. She's still very hyper, very spirited, very all over the damn place but when she started her meds ... WE could ALL finally breath. She can focus, she can do her work, she is winning in school, and she's pretty fucking proud of herself. As she should be. The rebound while coming off the meds have been a bit of a bitch but nothing we can't handle. Sort of.

We've always known there was something about Ava that wasn't... normal? Typical? I don't know. They say, "DON'T PUT A LABEL ON YOUR KID!" Or, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL!" That's probably true but normal is not screaming at your parents that you hate them and losing your shit a million times a day over nothing from the day you're born. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

I remember saying when she was an infant that she never seemed to be happy. Like she was mad at the world or something. We just couldn't figure out it. She refused to be left alone, always crying and she wasn't colicky. We were, and still are, walking on eggshells. At the time we didn't have another kid to compare her to but we knew something wasn't ... right/normal. You shouldn't compare as a mom but you do. You compare your kids to others. It's a baseline to know when you need to seek help.

Then we had her little brother. Ava was three when he was born. Things did not get better. Not worse but not better, like we hoped. He was a very easy baby. I thought, "Oh, this is what it's like to have a normal baby."

I keep dropping this word "normal" and it makes me feel terrible but I can't figure out what other word(s) I should use. They are just two very different kids. Ava is spirited, EZ is laid back. As laid back as he is, he's still little and needs attention. Ava doesn't get 100% of our attention and she makes sure we know it.

When she started school the fire inside her started to flicker out. At home she was more of a fireball than ever but at school she wanted to be the smallest speck of dust and not be noticed in any way. Her work was suffering but we KNEW she had the smarts. She's a brilliantly, creative little girl. What is going on? I can't handle watching my daughter say that she hates herself because she can't do anything right. I can't handle her saying that she's stupid and will never learn to read. I can't handle watching her scratch at her face out of anger. I can't handle seeing her go into a rage.

After lots of conversations with her teacher and many, many fights over homework, we got her evaluated. I think you know where this is going and I'm not going to spell it out. Not because we are ashamed. Far from it, actually. I feel like it's Ava's turn to take control of what is written about her. It's her life and when she's ready and willing, she'll tell you.

This doesn't mean I'm shaming any blogger that talks about their kid's disabilities. I LOVE that people are so open. It makes my heart happy to know I'm not alone. It's been a tough road and without my blogger loves I would be lost. I want to be open but I can't. I just can't. It's her life now. She gets to decide. I'm just telling you the road we've been on up until now. Why I've been silent for so long. My heart hurts so much writing this out but I have to say something. I'm getting choked up pouring this out.

You guys have no idea. Ava is such a kick ass kid. She's the light of my life. I'm not a super mom but I try so hard. Somedays not as hard as I should. I do try though because she needs me. I'm not perfect. I've screamed at her many times. More times than her brother. I've gotten so fed up that I had to walk away so no one would get hurt. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's hard. It's exhausting but I have hope. We are doing all we can to mold the world to make it better for her. Her little 6 year old brain needs guidance. She can't do it alone so J and I are stepping in. We'd move mountains for her. We finally have professional support to do this for her.

I've always said that Ava will rule the world someday if she could hone the crazy. Watch out world... here she comes...

Thursday, February 26, 2015

What on Earth is Cannabidiol (CBD)?

Have you ever heard of CBD (Cannabidiol) products? Am I the only non-pot head here? I had never heard of this before. Dose of Nature contacted me to do a review of a brand new product of theirs called Redstrap CBD in Cold-Pressed Virgin Organic Olive Oil. When I first got the email I had squinty eyes. What on Earth?

Instead of instantly saying no, I decided to look this product up. I saw the word cannabis in the word Cannabidiol and I thought, "I'm crunchy but not that crunchy." Turns out it's everywhere and 100% legal. Cannabidiol is one of at least 85 active cannabinoids identified in cannabis. It is NOT part of the plant makes you feel stoned. Companies extract CBD from the plant and it's used as medicine to treat a ton of ailments.

Still, I was skeptical because I actually had to put this in my body. I had never heard of CBD before (I know, I guess I live under a rock). So I did MORE research, I'm a dedicated blogger, guys. I wasn't going to put something in my body that I didn't really understand. After poking through a bajillion sites on Cannabidiol I figured it couldn't hurt... kind of like taking fish oil. Except it's pot not fish. :)

Dose of Nature says this about themselves ...
Utah-based Dose of Nature launched a state-of-the-art CBD (Cannabidiol) product line in 2014, applying proprietary technologies to create the first nano CBD and water-soluble CBD products in the market. CBD or Cannabidiol has been at the forefront of the news lately in its application to treat pediatric epilepsy, autism, cancer, pain, PTSD, brain injuries, Parkinson’s Disease, Alzheimer’s, stroke/TBI, sleep disorders, Multiple sclerosis, Fibromyalgia (<---MOM! ARE YOU READING THIS?!), anxiety, and various neurological conditions. Read more here. AND here for the library of uses.

I read anxiety thought, "HELLO!!! YOU'RE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE, Dose of Nature! Crazy anxious mom, right here!" So I decided to try it.

Dose of Nature sent me a bottle of CBD in Cold-Pressed Virgin Organic Olive Oil in exchange for a blog reveiw. They have CBD in apricot oil, hemp oil, and coconut oil, as well. I received the bottle and it was tiny! I don't know why but I had it in my mind it would be much bigger, not something that would fit in my fist. The point is that you don't need a huge bottle. With their Hydrosome™ technology, CBD is broken down into molecules that are extremely small, guaranteeing the max amount of delivery to the system in the smallest amount of time.

This is what's in the stuff incase you're still scratching your head. Don't worry, it took me a while too.
The KannaTek RedStrap™ CBD Oil is meticulously extracted, filtered, and dewaxed, leaving an extremely concentrated, 70% plus CBD-rich oil that appears like blackstrap molasses. This is then mixed with Cold-Pressed, Extra-Virgin Organic Olive Oil. Vitamin E is added as a natural preservative. <--- Made of just three ingredients, that's it!
The final product is a golden-colored oil, where the hints of the KannaTek RedStrap™ Oil are wrapped in the smooth flavor and fragrance of Olive Oil. The oil can be consumed orally by placing the drops under your tongue, or mixed with a salad or smoothie.

Alright, it's time to get down to what does it taste like and did it help me with my anxiety.

  1. It tasted weird. Like how fish oil tastes weird. Not bad, just funky but I mixed it in with my smoothie and also tried it with applesauce. Do you see the little drops sitting on top of my smoothie there? That's the CBD that I didn't mix in so you could see it. I can't figure out how to explain what it tastes like. I would not be a good food blogger.
  2. They say peak absorption time will be approximately 1½ to 2 hours after ingestion. I didn't notice a huge difference. For the anxiety, I already take Lexapro and this happens to be my extra crazy week where I take Prozac too. Maybe, it did help and I didn't notice? But now that I think about it, it has been a particularly stressful week and I haven't been feeling like I normally do ... like this is all too much to handle. I've actually been feeling pretty good. Less stressed, more able to plow through my day without freaking out. I've been sleeping like a rock, which is NOT normal when I'm this stressed. Apparently it is working! It's been a hell of a week and I've been taking this all week, every day. 
  3. I've been farting a lot more than normal. I'm not sure I can blame this though, might just be something funky I ate but I figured it was worth noting. Fish oil makes you fart a lot too. 
So there you have it! I like this stuff. I can see myself using it for help with sleeping at night and my anxiety. I would love to say I'll use it every day but I barely remember to brush my hair every day so I see it being something I'll use when I remember to. It would be nice to kick the Lexapro to the curb. I'm not anti-medication though but I'm all for a more homeopathic route.

This is even safe for children to use, which is a huge plus for me with two littles of my own. 

*The opinions expressed are mine and mine alone. In exchange for a blog post written for Dose of Nature, I was given a bottle of CBD.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Boogie Man

My kids get up frequently in the night just to ask us to put them back to bed. I've gotten so use to being woken up 40 times in the night that it doesn't seem to matter anymore. It's like an annoying routine. I can't MAKE them stop getting out of bed. And before you go throwing suggestions at me... trust me, we've tried it all.

These late night visits usually only last about a minute or two. One or both come into our room, wake one of us up, ask us to put them back to bed (kid's are so weird), we walk them into their room, put them back in bed, walk back to our room, go to sleep.

Then there are nights where they come in over and over again. I can handle a couple times a night, I can't handle every hour. NO you may NOT sleep in our bed! I have never said yes and I won't start now! They can cuddle in the morning but in the middle of the night they sleep in their beds, we sleep in ours. 99.9% of the time. It's the 0.1% is where things get interesting.

We will have some bad nights where one will wake up the other and it's like a bomb went off in our house at 2am. Everyone is tired and crabby and awake. There was one night where Ava was having a bad night. She doesn't have nightmares or terrors that I know of but she wakes easily and hears stuff. We live in an old house and we have bats in the walls. Dude. I know. But you get use to them when they are active. They just sound like they are squeaking and rustling in the walls. It's especially bad in Ava's room for some reason.

I'm not going to lie, at six years old, this would freak my shit out. I always had to take a flying leap to get into bed at night because monsters. I never left my closet doors open. I always slept with a blanket even if it was 110ยบ. That thin layer is protection from bad things, donchaknow. Never have an appendage hanging off the bed when you're sleeping. The monster will eat it off. I really need to stop watching so many ghost shows.

I was a spooked out little kid who did spooky things in her sleep... like sleepwalking. I slept-walk all the time and never remembered it until the next morning. Often I would be found in a part of the house, like the basement, without the lights on... just standing there. Once, mom told me, she found me down there only because I started screaming. She had no idea why I was down there or screaming but she just put me back to bed. I would wake up with my brother's underwear on the floor of my bedroom because I slept-walked into his room and took everything out of his drawers. It's freaky when you can't control that shit!

I thought it would stop when I got older but it didn't. I just started remembering the next morning what I did but again, I couldn't stop myself. I once walked across a field in the pouring rain at midnight to ring my friend's doorbell. I had one shoe on and a tshirt. I'm serious when I say it was freaky! My parents put a bell on my door so they could hear me leave my room in the night because I was of driving age. I use to ride the elevators in college in the middle of the night. I had enough sense to know that I needed my key to get in and out of the dorm. Who does that?!

So I get it. Night time freaks me out too.

One night Ava came into our room scared out of her mind. She couldn't say why she was scared just that she was. We tried putting her back to bed multiple times but she would just end up in our bed each time. At one point, I took her into her room and closed her door. The lights were off and she was shaking with fear. Her whole body was quivering and she was sobbing. She said someone was at the door. I said there wasn't but she swore up and down and begged me not to leave to leave her alone. I said fine, she can come in our bed just this once. We open the door and there's EZ crouched by the door illuminated by the hallway night light. Ava and I had to peel our skins off the ceiling that night. He wasn't sleepwalking, he was woken up by all the commotion but Christ on a cracker that scared the ever living shit out of us.

My kids are afraid to go upstairs or really anywhere in the house unless every single light is turned on and even then it's iffy. I can't blame them though, I'm pretty sure they inherited an irrational fear of the boogie man from their mama.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Do You Live a Healthy Whole Life?

Hello, lovelies!!! Happy New Year! I have a special surprise for y'all on this beautiful Friday. I'm teaming up today with Alissa Mertel from Healthy Whole Life and giving away an 11 Day Winter Detox worth $67! BUT I also have a coupon for 30% off your entire order... that's for ERRYBODY!

I told you it was rad!  

I'm going to come clean and say I've known Alissa for nearly 15 years. Holy crap, has it really been that long? Anywhoodle, we worked together back in the day in the creative industry. I'm still in that industry while she's moved on to create her own company. Another little secrect: I'm the design force behind all the graphics you see for her brand. Yeah. That's me. Except for the logo, I didn't make that.

Alissa is probably one of the kindest souls I know. Her spirit and soul grounds me. I'm a very spirited (read: wired and crazy) person and she helps me center the crazy. I love her to death. I want to show her off because I feel like she can help so many of my readers. Not because you're all crazy (some of you are, don't deny it) but because sometimes we just need a little extra help balanceing our bodies and minds.

We've been working on some sweet ass projects. Alissa, can I say "ass" in this post? Alissa has a line called Healthy Whole Kids. Within Healthy Whole Kids line there's a program called I Ate The Rainbow that is made specifically for kids. It directs parents on how to teach kids about all the healthy and amazing foods available in all the colors of the rainbow and not from a Skittles bag. Although, I do love Skittles... shhhh don't tell.

Healthy Whole Life is just that... it's for a healthy mind, body and soul. You can find meal plans, recipes, blog posts, detox plans, and even essential oils on the website, Twitter and Facebook pages.

My Pinterest board is flooded with good intentions, especially after the New Year. With Alissa's guided support and help, I'm going to make a change this year... who's with me? You can start by entering for the 11-Day Winter Detox! Ooor if you perfer to start with something else, like say a meal plan, use the coupon code: newyear15. The code is good through January 31, 2015, so don't wait too long!!!

Without further adu, here's my sweet friend, Alissa Mertel talking about An Opportunity for More…


Each day you wake is an opportunity for more.

More abundance. More energy. More health. More happiness.

I like to take advantage of that magical momentum that renews each night and use it to turn my new day into a new opportunity for something better than previously experienced. We each have this beautiful gift to renew, refresh and reboot ourselves- physically, emotionally and spiritually. It doesn’t have to always happen at night, though. You can change your mind at any point in the day. You don’t even have to be the same person you were five minutes ago!

As I lay myself to sleep each night, I let go of any occurrences of doubt, guilt, fear, worry- the could-haves and should-haves, that seem to crowd my mind from the incomplete tasks of the day. I softly release them and set the intention to transform those into the positive, hopeful counterparts that will wake me the next morning with ambition and inspiration for the brand new opportunities that lay before me.

Just as we release the daily buildup of emotional residue, when our body reduces its toxic load, we feel lighter, energized, and positive about ourselves, our relationships and our experiences. We stress less and accomplish more as we release the burden of carrying around physical and emotional weight that only drags us down.

With a seasonal Detox, you will reset and recharge your system as you release toxins that make you sick, irritable, and fatigued.

You are ready for this. Your body is asking for this. And, I will be your guide.

Join me as we welcome the endless opportunities of 2015! Let’s clean up and clear out as we make room for the abundance the new year will bring. Let’s flood our bodies with the nutrients of wellbeing and increased health.

You matter and you are SO worth it!

Learn more about the Eat to Nourish – Winter Wellness Detox here.

Your opportunity for more is waiting…




Don't forget to use the code: newyear15 (good through Jan 31, 2015) upon check out for 30% your entire order!

Be sure to sign up for the Healthy Whole Life newsletter to get your FREE Ultimate Green Smoothie Guide.

My God this post is just overflowing with awesome shit! I'm sorry, Alissa, I cussed again. Not that she cares but still, I can't help myself.

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